It's Not Your Fault

March 24th, 2021 (from email)

Dear friend, Thursday morning my husband, two daughters, and I were in the kitchen. I was about to head out for an ‘emergency’ grocery trip. We were all throwing out items to add to the list and our youngest, Claire, started complaining that no one was listening to her. Apparently she’d say an item and then someone else would say it or ask about it. (I’m not sure, I wasn’t listening... j/k😉) It wasn’t a surprise for her to complain, she can sometimes default to a disempowering narrative. She’s the child that if I compliment someone else, she'll take it as a personal insult. For example, if I were to tell Grace that I think her hair looks pretty, Claire would respond: Why don’t you like my hair? Back to Thursday morning. Me: We’re not intentionally ignoring you, but you are mumbling and it's difficult to understand what you're saying. Claire: So, you’re saying it’s my fault?? Me: No, that's not wha… Husband: It’s not your fault, it’s your power. That phrase resonated so deeply it stopped me in my tracks. I stood there motionless letting those seven words seep in. It’s not your fault; it’s your power. I’ve been trying to explain this lesson for years; not just to Claire, but to students and clients as well. I say ‘trying’ because it’s tricky to navigate this without triggering the ego. This is such a powerful and life-changing truth that it is often hard for our ego to handle. The ego throws up all manner of resistance. It fears that taking responsibility for our lives means we’d be letting those who ‘have wronged us off the hook', or worse, we could be immobilized by guilt or shame. Neither of those is true. As is so often the case, freedom lies just on the other side of ego’s (gnarly and persistent) resistance. If we can find the courage to take responsibility; to get out of the habit of finding fault and playing the blame game and into the practice of clarity & aligned action we reclaim our power and our life begins to change in beautiful ways. Simple recipe for getting what you want (with Claire as an example): 1. Have clarity around the desired result. (I want to be heard) 2. Take responsibility: determine your role in the situation and what YOU can do about it. (I could enunciate) 3. Take action. (Speak clearly & loudly (but not as loud as mom when she’s on a Zoom call 📢 🤣)) I hope you have a great week and find lots of opportunities to be responsible!

xoxo,

April